Ludwig Wittgenstein is said to have once asked a friend: ‘Why do people say it is more logical to think that the sun turns around the Earth than Earth rotating around its own axis?’ They answered: ‘I think because it seems as if the sun turns around the Earth.’ ‘Good,’ he said, ‘but how would it have been if it had seemed as if the Earth rotates around its own axis then?’

– slightly reworded Thomas Metzinger borrowed from Pannatime press

One of the problems with engaging with or tracking a process of change can be the assumptions of the existing processes that are being superseded.

The aim of this process (practice and documentation) is to begin, to explore, to develop, living aside from alcohol. The initial target is to get to a year, because that’s something that hasn’t happened for (counts using fingers and squinting off into space a bit) 26 years?

Ish. There have been periods of abstention. Last year (2018) saw a memorably clear-headed February to July, which was about the most sustained effort to date. It was an effort that sustained itself quite easily after a fairly short time. The need to continue that effort seemed to go away fairly easily as well, come July, though whether that was reward circuitry shorting, the recurrence of a ‘problem’, or something else again, is something to consider further.

The language of not-boozing – on the wagon, going dry, etc – tends to have a lot of associations attached, particularly ideas of avoidance or deprivation that are not especially helpful. This time one of the main motivations is informed intent… to see what happens when a conscious effort to change perspective is made, to not “not-booze”…

Finding the right frame is clearly fraught!

Mainly, though, intending to approach such a process not from a habitual position of the Dreads, all headachy shaky and wanting out of that pit of shadiness, but (and again a cagey mainly) from a positive interest in doing something different.

“How would it be if…?”

Full transcript (translation) of “Soliciting Purr” Tape

CAT: Hey… Hey. Hi. Hey, hiya handsome! Mmmm, you’re looking snuggly. You’re so cute, I just want to put my paw on you. Hee hee!

Oh! Is that… forward of me? I’m so bad. [frisking noises]

Mmmm, but you look so good! I just want to rub up against you… would that be okay? Hmmm, handsome?

Oh, I’m so, so bad! [Frisking noises]

But you… you make me such a skittish kitten. Hee hee! Say, that tickles. Mmmm, you make me so… hungry.

Yes, hungry. I feel like I could really… eat something. Hmmm? Whaddyasay, handsome. Something yummy in my tummy?

Oh, you’re so good with your hands! Mmmm, make me so huuungry, hungry to be fuuuull

You know how a tin opener works, don’t ya big guy? You just sink in the teeth and slowly… turn…”

Etc, etc, etc