Some mathematicians with an incalculable amount of excess time on their hands have published a paper modelling the outbreak of a zombie infection. 

To add to the necrophile horror of calculator jockeys pounding all the fun out of decomposing cultural tropes, almost masked by the sweet waft of stoned academic whimsy, one of the undead bean counters has called himself Robert Smith?, complete with question mark. 

The BBC’s Science Correspondent reports:

the mathematics professor at Ottawa University says the question mark distinguishes him from Robert Smith, lead singer of rock band The Cure. 

If we allow the wishful thinking that might confuse an Australian mathematician with a British pop star approximately twice his age, given that Robert Smith? is doing his level best to dress like a new wave guitarist, it seems unlikely that the addition of a question mark alone will suffice to achieve anything, except to fast track him to the pop math section next to those annoying cunts who wrote Freakonomics, perhaps. 

When I was a student, I had a lecturer who ended every sentence in every handout with a question mark? At our graduation party, I asked him why he did it and he said it was because he did not want us to take his word for it?  We discussed this?  I suggested that it was surely my role as an academic to not assume he was correct? And that only Australians (like Robert Smith?) could surely enjoy reading one of his timorous documents aloud? He said it was just his thing?  We agreed to differ and had about 30 more drinks?

Fucking zombies, I mean, really.  More pertinently, fucking academics.  Perhaps now you’ve finished tossing about, Smith? et al,  you could work out that food/air deal?

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